Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
