would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
