Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
