Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
