i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The struggles of a small town man whore
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
