I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize