She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
