I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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