So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
