A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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