you guys were way drunker than both of me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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