Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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