I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
