she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
