OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
