yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
