I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
