Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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