i need an iv and a liver transplant
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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