What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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