Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Shame - the story of my life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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