i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Farmville is her only friend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
