Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
even my farts smell like vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
