Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
