We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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