I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
