that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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