BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
