I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
