i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
