I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
