Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
