You really coming over, don't trick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
