I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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