I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The air was thick with penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
