I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
