that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
