if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
