i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
