The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
