I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
