I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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