If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
