i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
