new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
