I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
