I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
