i just google imaged poop.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
