You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
