Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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