Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize