Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
