I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
