so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
