this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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