I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
bring money and cleavage
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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