Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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