ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
