maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
