Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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