your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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