I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
