so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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