this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
