Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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