I cannot find my penis.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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