just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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