it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
