So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
