hell yes lets make some ravioli
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
