I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
