my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize