ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
