i already hear my dad disowning me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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