Duck Duck Cougar?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
